I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
