The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
