I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Dignity is for republicans.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
