I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
