i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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