At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
