Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
