I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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