Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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