when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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