i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
