I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
