She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
