Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
lets start a swedish sibling band together
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
