Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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