On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
