Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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