sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
