I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
