I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
