i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
