I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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