you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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