I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
