I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
