New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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