you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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