It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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