what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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