I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
