I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
