My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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