Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
