When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
