She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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