I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
