meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
