In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
