I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
