you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
