I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
