I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
MIDGETS
????
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
