3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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