is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
