found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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