He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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