we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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