dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
