everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
