Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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