I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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