I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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