3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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