I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
