Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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