So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
