If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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